The Dog Days of Summer are upon us, and the nation is embroiled in a sickening soap opera centered around the late pervert, Jeffrey Epstein.  Much as I am convinced that all the Epstein hand-wringing is a massive distraction, I felt compelled to comment on it, in hopes that this non-issue might soon disappear.

Jeffrey Epstein would have been a sinister character even had he not risen to infamy as a sexual predator of underage women.  Even Epstein’s occupation is shadowy and uncertain.  Now, I’m a lawyer.  You may be a police officer, a salesman, or a truck driver.  The point is, your occupation isn’t a secret.

Here’s the Wikipedia description of Jeffrey Epstein’s occupation. [NOTE – Normally I would not rely on Wikipedia as a trusted source, however when you’re dealing with a fake fraudster, a spurious source seemed appropriate].   “An American financier and child sex offender.”  It gets better.  We’re told he was a teacher at the Dalton School, (an Upper Eastside NY school where the current tuition exceeds $64,000 a year) “despite lacking a college degree.”

After leaving the teaching profession, he somehow embarked on a career in banking and finance, and was employed at Bear Stearns.  Epstein was an options trader, and rose to the level of limited partner, before leaving Bear Stearns due to a securities law violation.

Epstein then started a financial consulting firm, whose clients included Saudi Arabian arms dealer Adnan Kashoggi.  He allegedly specialized in recovering funds that had been stolen by fraud.  During this time, the Brooklyn born Epstein told people he was an intelligence agent, displaying an Austrian passport that listed his place of residence as Saudi Arabia.

Along the way, Epstein worked for Towers Financial Corp., which turned out to be a $450 million Ponzi scheme.  He was never charged for those crimes.  However, in addition to money, Epstein had a passion for girls, as young as 12.

Starting in 2005, he was investigated for trafficking young girls for sex.  Rumor had it that he blackmailed prominent men by recording their sex acts with minors.  No such evidence implicating the rich and powerful has ever come to light.

In 2006, he was indicted for solicitation of prostitution.  His lawyers, including Alan Dershowitz, negotiated a favorable deal for Epstein.  The U.S. Attorney claimed he had been told “Epstein was intelligence” and was warned to “leave it alone.”

Was it true that Epstein was working for U.S. or foreign intelligence?  It’s unlikely.  Dershowitz reasonably argues that, had it been true, Epstein would have so informed his lawyers to get a better deal.  He did not.  I believe Dershowitz.  People who really work for intelligence agencies don’t disclose that fact to anyone, much less boast about it.  Only scumbag, bullshit artist, fraudsters like Jeffrey Epstein do such things.

Epstein got 18 months, served 3, and was admitted to “work release” at his “Foundation,” which coincidentally “contributed” $128,000 to the office of the County Sheriff holding him.

The FBI then got in the act, arresting Epstein in 2019 on sex trafficking charges.  He died, reportedly by suicide, while in custody, in August 2019.  The allegations as to Epstein and well known political and business figures traveling to an island he owned to engage in sex with underage girls come from a series of civil suits, not from an FBI or DOJ investigation.

Records regarding people who flew on Epstein’s plane have been public since 2009.  Donald Trump flew once, with his then wife and daughter accompanying him.  Trump knew Epstein, who was at Mar a Lago until Trump learned he had propositioned a teenage female employee, and threw him out.  Bill Clinton flew 27 times.

Why all the Epstein recap (or is it recrap?).  Because the latest Democrat “let’s get Trump” scheme is the notion that, after promising to release “the Epstein file,” the AG reports there’s no client list in the DOJ file.  Democrats are screaming “coverup.”  Coverup of what?  They don’t say.  The implication is that Trump’s name is “on the list,” incriminating him in Epstein perversions.

This is, of course, pure horseshit, but as you know, Democrats are the leading U.S. distributors of horseshit.  The Epstein file, such as it is, has been  known to the DOJ for nearly 20 years.  Ask yourself, is it possible that the same DOJ that two years ago was trying to imprison Trump for life over made-up bullshit, would have neglected to release information implicating him in an underage sex ring in 2016, 2020, or 2024?  Not likely.

The problem is that a number of Republicans, and dare I say, MAGA supporters, are calling for the firing of Pam Bondi, alleging that she’s protecting men “on the list.”  Donald Trump is tangentially responsible for this himself.

Trump has succeeded in convincing a sizeable majority of the country that the government always lies to them, always hides the truth, and always protects shadowy conspiracies.  As Americans we love conspiracy theories.  Such theories revolve around virtually every major event and scandal in American history.

From UFO’s, to the JFK, Martin Luther King, and RFK assassinations, to the drones last December, to the Chinese spy balloon, to Watergate, to the Pearl Harbor attack, and all the way back to secret Freemason symbols and treasure troves hidden in the Capitol, we’re hooked on conspiracy theories.

And we come by it honestly.  You’re not paranoid just because you think little green men from Mars are trailing you.  The government has a habit of lying.  The rich and powerful do seem to get bailed out, while the little guy gets screwed.

Only this flap is getting out of hand because the Trump loyalists have gotten high on their own stash.  Kash Patel and Dan Bongino told everyone there was an Epstein client list.  I’m sure they believed that.  But now in office, guess what?  There’s no list to release.  Did one ever exist?  If so, Alan Dershowitz never saw one.

He was involved in some of the lawsuits.  Much of the 30 gigabytes of “materials” in the Epstein file (that’s a lot of stuff) consists of child pornography, downloaded by Epstein, who is dead.  Such material could never be released.  Two New York judges have ordered much material no to be released, so the DOJ can’t release it.

Yet, there is no joy in MAGAville.  Trump is a victim of his own success.  He’s convinced supporters that everything the government tells you is a lie, but he’s now the government.  And the point of all this is, this is a scandal over nothing.

One GOP Senator says, “release the evidence of the sex ring.”  What ring?  It was 20 years ago.  Epstein was guilty as Hell, and he’s now dead.  His accomplice, Ghislaine Maxwell, was tried, convicted, and is serving 20 years.

Most of the juicy stuff about public figures, including Prince Andrew, came from civil suits, not from the DOJ.  The names involved were disclosed years ago, and any details are bound up in non-disclosure agreements following settlements.  Simply put, there’s no one else to prosecute.

The worst position a criminal defendant can be in is being charged, and having no information to trade for a better deal.  The Trump officials said evidence was being hidden, and promised to release it.  Now that it’s clear there’s nothing to release, they find themselves without red meat to throw to the lions of the MAGA world, who are screaming for blood.

For his part, President Trump is trying to convince the public that the Epstein coverup theory is just one more Democrat hoax, being used to slow him down.  And so it is.  Trump rightly asks, “Why are people still talking about this guy, this creep?”  It’s a good question.  Writer Stephen King, no conservative he, had a better response.  “The list is real, and so is the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.”

Democrats were unable to do Trump in by tying him to a live woman, so now they’re trying to tie him to a dead pervert.  It won’t work.  Epstein was a crooked scumbag.  He’s dead.  That’s good.  Hopefully, the news cycle will move on to the next conspiracy theory.